Curtis Woodhouse is not sure which of his transgressions made Steve Bruce the most angry. The challenge, he explains, is that when you are ordered to the manager's office three times a week for a couple of years, the ‘b*********s blend into one'.
With that in mind, the man unique among British sportsmen decides to offer a sample, starting with the night out in Sheffield in 1998 when he learned that wealthy footballers are attractive to certain women. ‘What you need to understand is I am a little scally off a council estate in Driffield,' he says. ‘That's where this begins.'
Before long he will describe the dedication that enabled a man of modest fighting skills to become the light-welterweight champion of Britain. But to appreciate that rise, it is necessary to consider the ludicrous behaviour of his earlier life as a footballer; the parties, the picture, the Vicks rub, the fall from England Under 21s to non-League in eight years.
Curtis Woodhouse now has an unpaid role managing Hull United in the Humber Premier LeagueAt 26 Woodhouse decided that football was no longer for him and had already turned to street fightsWoodhouse boasts a unique achievement - he is a Premier League player turned British boxing champion
‘The first time I turned up at Sheffield United at 16 to sign my £42-a-week apprenticeship, the lads took the p*** because I was in a tracksuit and shoes — I didn't have trainers,
' Woodhouse says. ‘Six months later I was in the first team on big money. What was I going to do with money?
‘One Wednesday night, Quinny (Wayne Quinn) asked if I wanted to go out. I was 17 or 18 and mostly all I did was train, play and think about football. But we went to a nightclub called the Leadmill and I remember it like it was yesterday. Everyone knew who we were.
‘I wish I could tell you I had this moment where I thought, "I shouldn't be doing this", but nope. Best night ever. Looks-wise, I am three out of 10. When you have a pocket full of money you become a nine. I woke up the next day and straight off I was on to Quinny, "Are we out tonight?"
‘Anyway, a few days pass and Bruce calls me in. He chucked a pile of letters at me and said, "They say you were drunk in Treadmill". I swore on my family's lives, "I have never been in Treadmill". I hadn't. Leadmill, yes. He called me back in the next day and had caught on. Not happy.'
Woodhouse laughs. One minute he speaks of ‘all the regrets that I p***** away my football career'; the next he points out ‘it's not that I didn't have great times doing it'.
Woodhouse (left) revealed that his boxing career is over after 22 wins in 29 fightsDespite becoming British champion, Woodhouse insists he has no natural boxing talentWoodhouse insists he became good at boxing through sheer hard work and taking plenty of beatingsWOODHOUSE THE FOOTBALLER Clubs
1997-2001 Sheffield United - 104 appearances, 6 goals2001-03 Birmingham City - 48, 22003 Rotherham (loan) - 11, 02003-05 Peterborough United - 61, 112005-06 Hull City - 18, ko66 betting 02006 Grimsby Town - 16, 12006-09 Rushden & Diamonds - 65, 62009 Mansfield Town - 12, 0International 1999 England Under 21 - 4, 0The 34-year-old is in reflective mood having revealed that his boxing career is over after 22 wins in 29 fights. His memory goes back to those days at Sheffield United, where he was their youngest captain, before moves to Birmingham (who paid £1million for him in 2001), Peterborough, Hull and Grimsby, where he called it quits.
Some stories are funny, some are troubling. Or, as Woodhouse puts it, ‘I was a bit of a s*** — don't do it like me'. He starts laughing. He has remembered another story. ‘It must have been impossible to manage me,' he says. ‘Almost straight away as a professional I started falling out of love with football. Even before the partying I'd get in trouble.
‘One time, when I was in the academy under Russell Slade, I stole the minibus and tried to run over these Irish kids. I was cleaning the bus and they were giving me stick. I said, "F*** off or I'll run you over". They didn't so I drove after them but hit some advertising boards instead. It was in front of the executive suite. But if you're good you don't get sacked. Six months later I was in the first team.'
That is when the drinking and partying took off. ‘I was never an alcoholic but by the time I got to Birmingham, football was a job and partying was more fun. By 21, I was drinking seven days a week.
Curtis Woodhouse back in his Sheffield United days (left) and in England Under 21 action in 1999 (right)
‘I would finish training at 1pm and drink until 3am in some strip club. I never used to drink heavily before a game but I'd still go out.'
He saw a picture recently that brought home how he was living. ‘It was me playing for Birmingham against Manchester United at Old Trafford,' he says. ‘I'm tackling David Beckham. I looked at it and thought, "I am playing at Old Trafford and I'm half-cut". I cringe. It's a great picture but I know the story behind it. I looked at Man United away as I would Port Vale at home. Looking back, I think, "You idiot". I had a great time but what a waste of talent. I used to play with Vicks on my shirt just to hide the smell.'
David Beckham is tackled by Curtis Woodhouse, who says he was 'half-cut', for Birmingham City in 2002
WOODHOUSE THE BOXER 8/9/06 bt Dean Marcantonio, pts15/4/07 bt Duncan Cottier, pts3/6/07 bt Peter Dunn, pts14/7/07 bt Craig Tomes, TKO5/12/07 bt Matt Seawright, TKO16/3/08 bt Dave Murray, TKO17/5/08 bt Wayne Downing, KO20/9/08 bt Jimmy Beach, pts1/12/08 bt Peter Dunn, TKO29/3/09 bt Matt Scriven, pts27/11/09 lost Jay Morris, TKO25/4/09 bt Dean Hickman, TKO28/2/09 bt Jay Morris, TKO25/4/09 bt Maurycy Gojko (Poland), KO2/7/10 by Stefy Bull, TKO23/10/10 lost Peter McDonagh, pts10/4/11 bt Billy Smith, KO16/7/11 lost Frankie Gavin, split decision26/11/11 bt Gary McArthur, retired6/6/12 lost Dale Miles, TKO28/9/12 bt Dave Ryan, majority decision8/2/12 lost Shayne Singleton, majority decision17/5/12 bt Sandor Horvath (Hungary), TKO13/7/12 bt Joe Elfidh (Morocco), TKO21/9/13 lost Derry Matthews, KO2/11/13 bt Lewis van Poetsch, pts13/12/13 bt Arek Malek (Poland), pts22/2/14 bt Darren Hamilton, split decision27/6/14 lost Willie Limond, ptsOverall: 22 wins (13 KOs, 9 decisions) 7 loss (2 KOs, 5 decisionsNot that it would keep Woodhouse out of trouble. ‘No one was going to change my behaviour,' he says. ‘I remember Walsall away with Birmingham. Bruce was my manager again and said I wasn't in the team, so I rang a taxi right there, while he was doing his talk.I got a look that said, "F*** off".
‘I had one like that off Barry Fry when I said I wouldn't leave Peterborough when he had an offer on deadline day. I'm surprised I lasted as long in football as I did.'
By 26, Woodhouse decided football was no longer for him.