The Duchess of Sussex has launched a lifestyle brand called American Riviera Orchard and I am here for it.
Quince bark coffee, tomato leaf soap, taster pack of salmon sperm injections, hand-embossed make-your-own voodoo doll kits, moonbeam gummies — whatever the heck Meghan is selling, the first merch drop can't come quickly enough for me.
And the only question to ask is this: what took her so long?The Duchess is one of those women who was born to tell other women what to buy and think and do. She walks among mere mortals simply itching to enlighten us all on how to be, where to shop, who to adore and why greige is the new taupe — whether invited to or not.
Since Meghan's influencer days on The Tig,
BioXtrim Fruchtgummies Erfahrungsbericht where she posted recipes, beauty tips and style hints from her Toronto base, it was clear that sooner or later she'd return to this lucrative world of clicks and likes; that she would be back among her merchant-class kinfolk quicker than you can say 'add to basket'.
The Duchess of Sussex has launched a lifestyle brand called American Riviera Orchard which sells items including: Quince bark coffee, tomato leaf soap, taster pack of salmon sperm injections, hand-embossed make-your-own voodoo doll kits and moonbeam gummies
All she had to do to maximise her online profile and boost any future profits was to somehow — somehow! — elevate herself from B-list television actress to becoming a significant figure on the global stage; a somebody that everybody had heard of, a person who went from not knowing Oprah Winfrey neither personally nor professionally, to inviting the all-powerful media star to her wedding. Anybody got any ideas?
Whatever you might think about the former Miss Markle, you must agree that it was mission accomplished on that front at least.
And how! From first date to locking the Frogmore door for the last time took just over three years, less time than the gestation period of a salamander or certain kinds of shark.
Of course, Meghan didn't marry Harry purely to winkle him out of the Royal Family, like extracting a sulky whelk from a pearly shell, just so that she could go on to use her royal title to launch a commercial lifestyle website selling cosmetics, jams, nut butters and organic birdseed in California.
Be serious! No wacky conspiracy theories on this page if you don't mind.Yet one still must admire the clarity of thought, the audacity, the sheer drive and twin peaks of mutual ambition it took the Sussexes to get where they are today. I admire the energy, if not the approach, simply because far too many people were kicked to the kerb on their fast lane to liberty.
However, surely even Harry and Meghan must be exhausted by the industrial grievance complex that has funded their own lifestyle thus far?
That's one reason why I hope that this American Riviera Orchard venture will usher in brighter times for them both.
So, bring on the five-wick candles and the youth-dew elixirs, make haste with the seven-ply cashmere lounge pants and the overpriced jars of honey.
Let's all dig deep and online shop till we drop to keep this young couple in the luxury to which they have become accustomed and feel that they deserve.
To this end, here is Meghan; back in California arranging white roses in a vase, cooking something virtuous for lunch, launching herself as a tastemaker and a mompreneur who leads by example.
Someone who imposes her terrifying sense of style upon the dreary, civilian she-turnips in the real world by wearing £1,500 Roland Mouret day dresses and no end of delicious designer gowns to pick up her latest humanitarian award. So inspirational!
Yet, just like all those other lifestyle gurus — including Martha Stewart and, of course, Gwyneth and her mighty Goop — one can't help but feel that sometimes their online sisterly solidarity is as manufactured as their signature scents.
And — whisper it — also that it is avarice rather than the giving of advice that really floats their boats. Out there in brand-land there are certainly millions of dollars to be made, but it is difficult to see where American Riviera Orchard fits into this crowded marketplace.
In the U.S., brands such as The Pioneer Woman started off as a farm-girl blog and turned into a multi-million-pound business, today boasting a hotel, a pizzeria, a cooking-utensil range and a TV cooking show that's run for 37 seasons and made founder Ree Drummond a very rich woman.